Inapt, But Still Here — When the Brain Is on Pause

It’s early February 2026 now.

My last articles were written back in December 2025. I didn’t plan to stop writing… it just kind of happened.

I felt like I was in another world. A meh kind of state.

No motivation at all. Just scrolling through social media reels, keeping my brain busy while it was clearly on pause.

It took me some time to figure out what was going on.

So I decided to look a little deeper.

Around that time, I received my disability approval from the federal government. I’m still in the process with Québec.

For 7 years, I kept telling myself: “I’m not that bad, I could do this job or that job.”

That paper made it official: yes, I am disabled.

Honestly, the word disabled didn’t shock me that much.What really hit me was the word impairment.

“Severe and prolonged impairment of physical or mental functions.”

Yeah… that one landed hard.

I wasn’t in denial about my illness. I changed my entire life after my diagnosis in 2017.But I’ve never liked being labeled.

Still, at this point, I don’t really have a choice.

I have to contribute in the way I can.

Since my diagnosis, I haven’t brought much money into our household.

This help will ease some financial stress for my partner and me. And that alone makes a big difference.

Winter is hard for me.

Cold makes my legs stiff. I walk like a robot.If I don’t move, I start shivering, and my legs shake like crazy.

Looking back, I think the cold, the darkness, and the grey days slowly pulled me into a mild depression… without me even realizing it.

And then… boom.I was declared unfit to work.

Me.

Who once worked 90 hours a week when I owned a gas station.

Me.

Who ran a website 7 days a week, often 12 hours a day.

Now, even doing a TV or radio interview from home drains me completely.I need three or four days to recover afterward.

I’m learning to accept it… without giving up.

I’ll never be able to do at 58 what I did at 30.

But I can still do things.

This blog doesn’t put pressure on me.

I can afford it. It’s my hobby.

And if it helps someone, or makes someone feel less alone, that’s more than enough for me.

So I’m choosing to have more fun.

Because honestly, fun has felt almost illegal since 2020.

Anyway, I hope I didn’t lose you in my story.

I hope you recognize yourself in it somewhere.

And I hope we’ll have some fun together here.

Maybe not every day.

But you know what I mean 🙂

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